XX vs XY

   “Opposites attract” and it’s a good thing for our species, since not only are men and women different, but as you will see in the upcoming chapters of our book, also frustratingly opposite in how they’re built, which hormones dominate, and consequently, what they need and value and how they think.

   Amazingly, male and female traits start from the first moment of inception. As you probably know, it’s the male who determines the sex of the baby.  If the lucky sperm that penetrates and fertilizes that seductive egg carries a Y chromosome, you’re the proud father of a boy; if it’s an X, you’ve got a girl. 

    While other chromosomes have various jobs, the Y is singularly focused on creating a male. To this end, it is a veritable sperm factory, producing 150 million sperm a day.  Is it a wonder men think of sex so much?

    Chromosomes travel in pairs. The egg already has an X, so the girl has XX and the boy XY.  This fact may seem like boring science, but it offers a fascinating insight into male and female problem solving strategies. A lot of damage occurs every day in the production of new cells: the female X chromosome can just happily connect to its twin X chromosome and exchange genetic material to make the repairs; the Y, being a different model chromosome, can’t get parts from its partner. Instead, it has large amounts of genetic information that reads the same forward and back. When damage inevitably occurs, the Y chromosome reaches in front or behind, takes its own genetic material and fixes itself.

    It’s pretty apparent that Mother Nature has a comprehensive plan for how we men and women should tackle life. The female tendency towards mutual cooperation and the male tendency towards fierce self-reliance are supported in both our brain structure and our hormones.

    There’s no point in getting frustrated when men won’t ask for directions and women insist on getting help.  We’re just doing what comes naturally. Instead, we might as well celebrate the differences. They are what make us so uniquely opposite – and attractive to each other.  — Judith

IS FOREPLAY REQUIRED FOR ORAL SEX?

   If you’re a guy and she wants to go down on you, she probably doesn’t even have to ask. “Want a B.J.?” might be nice but may not be required.

    With women, it’s completely different. They need just as much preparation for oral sex as they do for regular sexual intercourse. In our book TOP GUN LOVE, I use the analogy of firing a missile.

    To fire a missile from a fighter you have to activate three systems: the acquisition and guidance system, the launch system, and the arming system. Once the acquisition system is activated, you get the target in the sight and press a button on the stick to lock it in. Then the missile guidance system takes over tracking the target. By this time, you would have armed the launch system so that when you press another button on the stick, the missile will fire and leave the launch rail and head toward the target. There is yet another switch that is used to arm the missile so that it will actually explode when it gets to the target.

    If you want to have sex with a woman, oral or otherwise, you have to make the right approach. If you get the foreplay in the wrong order, or don’t do it completely, you may fire a dud, or you may not even get a launch.

    Unlike a fighter which will pretty much perform the same way every time you do certain things, women rarely respond the same way every time. Every woman is different than every other woman, and most women will respond differently on a different day. A lot of this depends on her menstrual cycle and how you handle your approach.

    To continue the missile analogy, acquisition and tracking are the most important parts. It begins when you get out of bed in the morning. Start being nice to her right from the get-go. KINDNESS is an essential element in the relationship and never more important than in the seduction phase. Keep tracking her all day long; a call from the job; a great hello when you get home; playful teasing during dinner; all add up to a more exciting experience.

    You still have to make sure the launcher is enabled and the missile is armed. This comes during the physical foreplay when you are touching her body in all those sensitive spots that are not her genitals. When you can read that she is ready, you can arm the missile by moving to her genitals with lots of teasing.

    So, if your objective is to give her pleasure by giving her oral sex, treat it just as if you were going to make love to her. You have to be there completely present and read her response to know if you are doing the right thing. The pay off is that you get her great sexual energy and a happy woman to boot. In our book TOP GUN LOVE we spend a whole chapter talking about oral sex techniques. — Frank

HOW TO TEACH YOUR LOVER TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU THE WAY YOU LIKE IT

   When we ask a person to do something differently while we are making love, we have to be tactful or we may not get the result we want at all. If the request is not properly presented, it may cause anger, resentment or a feeling of inadequacy.

   Here is a simple three step request process that works.

1.   Acknowledge what they are doing in positive terms. Say something like, “That feels nice.”

2.   Request the change you want. “Would you please ____ (move up, down, right, left, softer, harder, etc.)”

3.   Thank them. “Thank you. That feels great.”

  If they don’t get it exactly the way you want it, just keep repeating the process until they do. Most of us want to make our partners happy, but either we think the way we are doing it is OK or we have some block to doing it the way they want. — Frank