LOVE

Love exists only in the present moment. It comes from what you have been thinking or doing. You make up your mind to love or not to love on a moment to moment basis. You really can love whomever or whatever you decide you want to love. Love is given. It can not be demanded, coerced or bought.

You can learn to love yourself by loving another. When you love your partner, and she loves you back, it strengthens the neural network that says you are loveable. If you get enough of that love you will eventually come to truly love yourself. Then you are able to give yourself the love you want and in turn you can give her unconditional love. Eventually this can bring you to the stage where you now have the knowing that you are completely loveable and it no longer matters if she loves you. This makes the love between you even more powerful.

The difficulty is that many of us were conditioned not to love ourselves. As a child we were criticized and told many more times how wrong we were than we were told how right we were. We grew to think that we couldn’t be loved simply for who we were. This kept us from trusting in love itself. In not trusting love, we tend to live in fear, which represses love.

 No one other human being is going to provide everything we want in a lover. You must be the lover of you.

From Top Gun Pilot to Top Lover

To be a top gun fighter pilot requires intelligence, courage, commitment, rigorous training, continual practice, expertise, and constant striving for excellence. Being a top lover demands the same.

Top Gun Love: A Fighter Pilot’s Manual for Sizzling Sex and Romantic Relationships shows men and women who want to have a more fulfilling, loving sexual relationship how to achieve their highest potential.

Top Gun Love coaches the ones who need coaching the most: the men. Written in a male friendly format of a jet fighter manual, the book is illustrated with stories and anecdotes of a combat fighter pilot. These stories are direct allegories to sexual relationships.

Women, often have a hard time getting their resistant mates to read them. Top Gun Love makes it easy with a winning selling point: a fighter pilot shows men how to get more sex. It connects with male readers who are interested in learning the secrets of becoming an expert lover and with female readers who want lasting relationships, as well as greater sexual intimacy.

To have consistent great sex, you have to have a great relationship. To have a great relationship you have to know how you operate, how your partner operates and how you both operate together. By offering clear and concise explanations of how and why men and women act the way they do, Top Gun Love provides the foundation for satisfying sex and enduring relationships. Even with this understanding there may be something lacking. Many people want to be more spiritual but don’t know how to make sex and relationship sacred. Top Gun Love shows them how.

Although there are lots of relationship books, sex manuals and books explaining gender from a scientific point of view, none are as comprehensive. With a spiritual slant, Top Gun Love combines sex tips, relationship guidance, in depth analysis of the latest research into male and female brain and biochemistry. Ultimately this book will become a reference guide for all couples.

A synergistic fusion of Frank’s fighter pilot background and extensive study of love, sex and relationship with Judith Claire’s 31 years of counseling has produced this valuable resource in a truly original presentation.

Frank and Judith walk the walk. They have used the tools and techniques of this book to create the love life of their dreams. It is their desire to share the wisdom of their experience with others who want to find the same bliss.

We’re Baaack!

We have been working very hard on our book and are making great progress, so we haven’t been posting.

We eagerly await your comments and questions. We want to know what you want to know. So if a new post triggers some questions, please let us know what you think. — F

COURTSHIP — 3 IN A SERIES — DATING

WHAT ARE THE OPENING MOVES?        

The opening moves are almost always done silently, but even after speaking, pay careful attention to the other sensory cues, smell, vision, touch, and voice tone. How she moves, what facial expressions she has, what tone of voice she uses, how she postures. All this resonates deep in the psyche, far below the level of consciousness.

All of our facial expressions and posturing movements are stimulated by signals from the brain’s limbic system and the reptilian core. Remember, these are ancient parts of the brain that operate well below the level of consciousness. The reptilian brain is the ancient control center for most automatic body functions, including the beginnings of emotional response. The limbic brain monitors what’s going on externally and internally and makes them harmonious. The limbic brain controls the muscles. The face is the only place where the muscles connect directly to the skin.

Note

That means that all the signals you are sending

and receiving are coming from a deep place

in your subconscious. The smiles or frowns,

the lifting of an eyebrow, the shrug of the

shoulder, the turn away or toward, are all

stimulated by a subconscious signal. These cues

often affect us much more powerfully than

 what the other person might be saying.

When our limbic system gets in tune with another’s, there is a resonant phenomenon that allows us to connect on that subconscious level. Feelings can be contagious, while thoughts are not. Have your ever walked into a room where there was a person who was glowing with excitement. As you stayed in that person’s presence you felt your mood rise and enliven. Similarly when we are around someone who is deeply depressed, it is difficult not to become sucked down into that depression as well. This is limbic resonance. All of this, in the attention phase, happens in the blink of an eye.

More to come … Frank & Judith

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COURTSHIP — 2 in a series DATING or COURTING NEW LOVE

   My experience of the initial kind of courtship, when I would first meet someone, was something like taking a check ride. Someone else would be evaluating me as to my suitability for a relationship or at least an affair. This almost always made me nervous to some degree. It wasn’t until I had done many personal growth workshops that I became confident that I knew who I was, and what I wanted. Even then the whole process of courtship was pretty unfathomable.

   Then there is the whole ‘like attracts like’ and ‘opposites attract’ discussion. The challenge occurs when meeting someone in a new relationship and the chemistry is very high and the sex is fantastic. When we have great sex, there is a very strong production of oxytocin, which is the hormone that bonds us together. If one is not careful at this stage then the bonds become very strong and are more difficult to break. Then we may realize that the one we are enthralled with is not a good match for us at all. Happens a lot. It’s not the end of the world but it does require some possibly painful un-bonding.

   An interesting thing that happens in initial courtship is that when we are in that altered state of new love, men’s testosterone levels actually decrease while the testosterone levels of women increase. This means that women have stronger sex drives early in the relationship. After a year or some period of time hormone levels return to normal.

Caution

Men often become confused when hormone levels return to normal. They think that the woman is no longer interested in sex. It just means that men now have to pay more attention to seduction and foreplay.

STRANGER TO LOVER

   There are several stages in going from stranger to lover. The first stage is getting the attention of the other. Generally, the man is the one who makes the second move. It may look like he is approaching her, but she has probably done something to attract his attention and, if he is conscious and interested in her, he will make the approach and start some kind of conversation.

   Women do all kinds of things to attract attention. The way they dress, how they move in the space, a lingering glance, a smile are all attention getters. These signals let the man know of her interest and if it is safe to approach. It is a slow and cautious dance, because we all hate the pain of rejection, and we have to overcome the anxiety we have toward strangers. Making and sustaining eye contact for over three seconds is a positive signal.

More to come… Frank

COURTSHIP — A SERIES OF ARTICLES

    Courtship or courting is the activity that takes place when we are seeking to gain someone’s love or affection. Courtship is a lot like getting a check ride in an airplane. Check rides were like tests or evaluations. I had to pass a check ride at the end of each phase of my flight training. On the check ride, usually given by a highly trained check pilot, I had to demonstrate proficiency in all the maneuvers I had been taught to date.

   It was almost always a stressful situation for me. It didn’t matter that I had done very well in the training phase; somehow the idea that I was being evaluated made me nervous. We used to call it ‘checkitis.’  I had a bad case of ‘checkitis’ and busted my first check ride in a Cessna because it was with a special pilot from the FAA. After two more flights with my instructor, I went on to pass that check ride the second time with excellent scores. The same thing happened on my first military check ride in primary flight school. I was performing really well so my instructor put me up with the most rigorous check pilot on the base. I was so nervous that when he asked me to demonstrate a forced landing from a different situation than I had originally been trained in, I blew it and failed the ride. Once again, two more flights with my instructor, and I went back and passed the check easily. I went on from there to be a distinguish graduate from flight school.

   Check rides never stopped. Even after I got my wings and was assigned to a combat squadron, I, like all the other pilots, had to take periodic check rides to demonstrate my competency in all the maneuvers we were required to do. What I realized was that like check rides, courtship never stops. We will always be doing some form of courtship with our partners.

   There are two kinds of courtship to consider. The first deals with meeting someone new for the first time and developing a romantic love relationship. The second kind is the courtship that is needed in an ongoing romantic love relationship.

Note

    As long as we are in relationship with a love partner, some form of courtship will be a significant part of the relationship. This may be what women talk about when they say they want romance in their relationship. They want to be courted.

More to come  — Frank

SEX, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

   Having great sex that becomes spiritual sex has always been a priority for us. We both realized that the only way to achieve this on a consistent basis was to be in a committed, loving relationship. In the research for our book, we affirmed what we had known intuitively.

   Recent studies done with brain scans of people in love show that almost all the brain activity associated with being in love takes place in our limbic brain, which is developed in our infancy, is non-verbal and operates below the level of our consciousness. These studies also reveal that we have formed neural networks in the limbic brain that draw us to people who have corresponding neural networks. This attraction, called limbic resonance, is like an invisible magnet drawing us together.

   Limbic resonance begins with the mother-baby bond. Although there is no spoken language between them, the mother is very in tune with her infant and can identity its’ needs – sometimes by hearing subtle difference in its cries and often by just an intuitive feeling. The baby picks up her vibrations as well.

   Our mother’s mood and her heartbeat regulate our breathing, our own heart beat, and our processes. This intimacy and physical connection creates a powerful tie that influences us for the rest of our lives.  Her strengths and weaknesses, approvals and criticisms strongly affect our own self-image and patterns of behavior.  Although she affects us the most, our fathers and other caregivers also touch us at the deepest non-verbal levels.

BONDING WITH OUR PARTNERS

   All this resonance creates deep and powerful neural networks that draw us to people with similar patterns. What we value in ourselves is what we value in another. We are drawn to each other’s goodness.

   The more we are with someone, the stronger the limbic resonance. After awhile couples begin to finish each other’s sentences and know what the other is thinking without anything being said. This same limbic resonance allows us to nurture each other. Our empathy becomes strongly developed and, like the mother and child, we can feel when something is wrong with our partner. We want to resonate with them and provide a healing connection and soothing support.

   We can only develop this resonance by spending quality time together. To keep that feeling, we have to do something to nurture and sustain it. We do that through touching, expressing love in words, being of service to the one we love and of course, making love.

   Sustaining love requires an investment of time in terms of years. When you become limbically attuned to your partner and her to you, you regulate each other’s emotions, immune functions, sleep rhythms, and overall well-being. More and more studies show that people in long term loving relationships live longer and maintain a higher level of physical and emotional health.

   You’ve probably heard the expression that “we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Having a loving relationship is definitely a spiritual experience.  The unspoken empathy of our limbic connection shows how we can go beyond the purely physical to experience a more profound and satisfying Oneness.

USING LIMBIC RESONANCE TO HEAL

   Just holding your partner and breathing together increases your limbic connection.  This simplest of simple techniques can be used to heal emotional pain, help your partner sleep at night, or empower your sexual experience.  Do it as often as you can. — Frank & Judith

XX vs XY

   “Opposites attract” and it’s a good thing for our species, since not only are men and women different, but as you will see in the upcoming chapters of our book, also frustratingly opposite in how they’re built, which hormones dominate, and consequently, what they need and value and how they think.

   Amazingly, male and female traits start from the first moment of inception. As you probably know, it’s the male who determines the sex of the baby.  If the lucky sperm that penetrates and fertilizes that seductive egg carries a Y chromosome, you’re the proud father of a boy; if it’s an X, you’ve got a girl. 

    While other chromosomes have various jobs, the Y is singularly focused on creating a male. To this end, it is a veritable sperm factory, producing 150 million sperm a day.  Is it a wonder men think of sex so much?

    Chromosomes travel in pairs. The egg already has an X, so the girl has XX and the boy XY.  This fact may seem like boring science, but it offers a fascinating insight into male and female problem solving strategies. A lot of damage occurs every day in the production of new cells: the female X chromosome can just happily connect to its twin X chromosome and exchange genetic material to make the repairs; the Y, being a different model chromosome, can’t get parts from its partner. Instead, it has large amounts of genetic information that reads the same forward and back. When damage inevitably occurs, the Y chromosome reaches in front or behind, takes its own genetic material and fixes itself.

    It’s pretty apparent that Mother Nature has a comprehensive plan for how we men and women should tackle life. The female tendency towards mutual cooperation and the male tendency towards fierce self-reliance are supported in both our brain structure and our hormones.

    There’s no point in getting frustrated when men won’t ask for directions and women insist on getting help.  We’re just doing what comes naturally. Instead, we might as well celebrate the differences. They are what make us so uniquely opposite – and attractive to each other.  — Judith

IS FOREPLAY REQUIRED FOR ORAL SEX?

   If you’re a guy and she wants to go down on you, she probably doesn’t even have to ask. “Want a B.J.?” might be nice but may not be required.

    With women, it’s completely different. They need just as much preparation for oral sex as they do for regular sexual intercourse. In our book TOP GUN LOVE, I use the analogy of firing a missile.

    To fire a missile from a fighter you have to activate three systems: the acquisition and guidance system, the launch system, and the arming system. Once the acquisition system is activated, you get the target in the sight and press a button on the stick to lock it in. Then the missile guidance system takes over tracking the target. By this time, you would have armed the launch system so that when you press another button on the stick, the missile will fire and leave the launch rail and head toward the target. There is yet another switch that is used to arm the missile so that it will actually explode when it gets to the target.

    If you want to have sex with a woman, oral or otherwise, you have to make the right approach. If you get the foreplay in the wrong order, or don’t do it completely, you may fire a dud, or you may not even get a launch.

    Unlike a fighter which will pretty much perform the same way every time you do certain things, women rarely respond the same way every time. Every woman is different than every other woman, and most women will respond differently on a different day. A lot of this depends on her menstrual cycle and how you handle your approach.

    To continue the missile analogy, acquisition and tracking are the most important parts. It begins when you get out of bed in the morning. Start being nice to her right from the get-go. KINDNESS is an essential element in the relationship and never more important than in the seduction phase. Keep tracking her all day long; a call from the job; a great hello when you get home; playful teasing during dinner; all add up to a more exciting experience.

    You still have to make sure the launcher is enabled and the missile is armed. This comes during the physical foreplay when you are touching her body in all those sensitive spots that are not her genitals. When you can read that she is ready, you can arm the missile by moving to her genitals with lots of teasing.

    So, if your objective is to give her pleasure by giving her oral sex, treat it just as if you were going to make love to her. You have to be there completely present and read her response to know if you are doing the right thing. The pay off is that you get her great sexual energy and a happy woman to boot. In our book TOP GUN LOVE we spend a whole chapter talking about oral sex techniques. — Frank